An unsolicted letter to the hetero men folks of ________Dating Site

Photo/Sculpture by Heidi Johansen

Dear Hetero Menfolks,

I have a confession to make. I have not updated my profile in over five years. After the recent breakup with my last boyfriend, I simply turned my profile back on. In fact, I had no idea I still had a profile and I will confess again that I haven't even bothered to read what I last wrote. But I can safely imagine that who I was then, and the tone I was hoping to project, is now quite different from the woman I have become. Chalk it up to most likely not being ready to take dating seriously again, and I think you can cut me some slack.

But that's not what this letter is about. This letter is to politely inform you, the hetero men folk of my age bracket, how you are coming off to me en masse when I breeze through your profiles.

First of all, why is it okay for you to be upwards of 40 and yet, be seeking a woman of no more than 35 years of age? You know what, it's humiliating enough to to sift through this site, open oneself up to consideration, and possible rejection, without having to add insult to injury by making me constantly feel like shit. It's fine for one or two of you to seek woman 5-15 years your junior, but all of you? Really?

Second of all. Take better pictures of yourself! No blurry photos, no photos so teeny nor obscure they require a forensics team to decipher, no photos with other people clearly cropped out, no photos that were you at an obviously much younger age. Be honest with yourself, and most of all, be honest with me. Take the time to take a picture of yourself that celebrates who you are in as flattering a light as possible.

Third of all, run your profile by a friend. Everyone loved the sex scene in Secretary. But stand out you don't. We all need oxygen. We all think humor is the bestest, and athleticism is preferred to, oh, couch potato-ness, but as they say in Screenwriting 101: show, don't tell. I think we will get it. I know us hetero women, in bulk, have our cosas. We want a man taller than us. We all have read Eat, Pray, Love and are proud to announce it. But I have to say the women folk seem to be working a little harder here at crafting something with a little more, uh, attention to detail.

I guess what I am just saying to each of us is, read what the other men/women you are in league with are writing, compare and contrast, put a little elbow grease into it, and, at the bare minimum, run it by a friend. Let's make this a teachable moment.

Sincerely,
Not-so-ready-to-be-here-again Casey