Tiny tumbleweeds

Laura Nix, Abandoned Car, from the Accidentally Kansas series via Amy Stein

My birthday is almost here. I will be 37. If you add those numbers together that equals ten. A nice even number. I hope this year is more even than odd.

P.S. I am not going to Amsterdam.

The Good, the Bad, and the Blue

Melanie Pullen, Blue (Water Series)

The Good:

My birthday is coming up. My boyfriend is coming down. And I was invited to Amsterdam. I haven't been to Europe since I was underaged.

The Bad:

Despite our best efforts, my boyfriend's son has decided to go through with his enlistment. Even though he is Native American, Mexican, Arabic and Columbian. Even though it looks like the Marines are coming back with more injuries than anyone else in the Armed Forces. Even though I am pretty sure he knows that the war in Iraq (and soon to be Iran) is not only a losing one, but quite questionable morally. And even though we offered him a place to stay and about a bizillion alternatives.

It's hard to imagine what he might be thinking...but then again, it's not hard at all. I know, having lived on the Rez for the past number of years, that he probably took one look around and saw how little opportunities there were available to him. I know that he thinks it will save him from the Meth addiction that runs so rampant in that community. I know that he desperately wants to become a man: in the eyes of his family, his girlfriend, the greater culture. I know that it became important to him not to drop out of his enlistment, like he dropped out of going to college. But it breaks my heart even to understand it a little. I mean, he only graduated from high school a few months ago.

Welcome to America.

The Blue:

I don't know what more to say here. I think I've covered the blue already. I remain optimistic about the year–after all, I finished a film, I fell in love, I found a dog. But, for the people around me it hasn't been that kind of a break out year. A friend, father and husband killed himself. My film partner is separating from her husband after 20 years. Same film partner's brother is dying from a long history of drug addiction despite the short span (36 years) of his life.

I wish I had more to offer today. Something funny or at least mildly amusing. But I guess none of it is really good nor bad. And it doesn't always make me blue.

It's just life.

And I carry it with me. Just like my boyfriend's son. Just like you.

The Iceman Cometh

Justin Quinnell's In-Mouth Pinhole Photography

I've been in the process of moving over my old blog to this one-one painstaking entry at a time. The writing used to be so much better! Jeesh. Lo siento. It used to be up a little higher on ye ol' priority list. But for whatever reason I persist over here. Only now with a much lower readership (thanks for the comments Mom!)

But today just consider yourself lucky. I am sick and under deadline and yet I still manage to squeak in a post. For you? It's the least I can do. The weather back home is horrendous. The leak in our roof is still not fixed and the dog snores loud as ever. It's great to be back! Too bad I have to leave again on Sunday!

In other major news we are adopting a son! Technically, he's 18, but that doesn't mean he as any other place to call home. Actually, it's not really as adoption, since technically speaking the adoptee is my boyfriend's son. But it's pretty new to all of us involved. I shouldn't be joking. I should really stop kidding now, because it would really piss my boyfriend off if I made light of this situation.

It turns out, he had enlisted in the Marines (the son, not the boyfriend) and so my boyfriend begged him to come stay with us instead. I mean, what would you do right? Let the poor kid get his leg shot off, just because he didn't get it together to go to college? You would do the same, no matter how small the apartment, no matter how tight the funds, no matter how tenuous the relationship, no matter, no matter, I mean right?

Well, we'll see. For now the son is staying at Grandma's until I leave this weekend to go back south to finish up the ice film. And for the record, the son–while a bit overwhelmed and a lot undermotivated–is a sweet, charming young man–not unlike his father. I handed him Junot Diaz' The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao which he devoured in two days and which made me feel pretty right on considering that I had just met him. We pulled out some 20 more books for him to graze and I am eager to hear the reports back.

So here's to our wondrous new lives, with all the surprises they may bring: to the son, that he may not join the military; to the father, that he may get to know his son; to me, that I may survive with all wits intact; and to all us, that our dreams not be deferred too much longer.

To leave you with a quote which I was hoping would tidily wrap all things up from headline to finish line, but which only further exemplifies the enigma that is life (and this post):

What's it matter if the truth is that their favoring breeze has the stink of nickel whiskey on its breath, and their sea is a growler of lager and ale, and their ships are long since looted and scuttled and sunk on the bottom? To hell with the truth! As the history of the world proves, the truth has no bearing on anything. It's irrelevant and immaterial, as the lawyers say. The lie of a pipe dream is what gives life to the whole misbegotten mad lot of us, drunk or sober.

-Eugene Ionesco, The Iceman Cometh

Tell me

Alessandra Sanguinetti, The Adventures of Guille and Belinda and the Enigmatic Meaning of their Dreams

Has it really been 3 weeks already? My time is about up here in this sunny town. I ate lots of Pinkberry, I saw a few films, a made plans to co-write screenplays, I drank coffee, I did yoga, I ran through the park, I saw one show, I watched bad television.

And, oh yeah, I worked my ass off. But now the holiday is over. I go back home, I finish up the film (and you thought it was done!), I look for more work, I apply to festivals. The cycle continues.

But while I was here I enjoyed completely not being in charge. Tell me what to do! Please! I look forward to stumbling on a new project.

But not anytime soon.

This about sums things up

photo by Eliot Shepard

Trees and gum.

I can't say much more at the moment. Think about blowing a bubble. Or accidentally swallowing your gum. That's where I am right now. Somewhere in between those two places. I wish I could say more, but I'd just be complaining.

The evenings are long when you can't sleep. And lonely when you are 400 miles from home.