Painting by Wayne Thiebaud
Going into the doctor’s office this time around, we were much better armed for the job. Now everyone – ok maybe not everyone, but certainly anyone who has looked into the matter – knows that having an orgasm when trying to get pregnant is supposed to increase your chances of, well, getting pregnant. That’s like pregnancy 101. I have also heard, now that I have become a fertility expert, that laughing – and we’re talking gut-busting guffaws – after an IVF procedure can increase your success rate by like, 50%. At least so claims an Israeli study whereby women who are visited by medical clowns – yes, you heard me right – medical clowns, are that much more likely to get pregnant.
Well, trying to do both of these things at the same time in a sterile doctor’s office can be challenging to say the least. I leave the rest to your imagination. But, oh, add to your image a speculum, stirrups, and a tiny vial of sperm that I am supposed to keep warm in my hands. Suffice it to say that if someone were to ask me to write an R-rated situation comedy about female infertility, I swear I would be the woman for the job.
Like many things in life we are opting for the cheapest form of fertility treatment, i.e., the least likely to work. Ah, Western medicine. Almost within our grasps. Stay tuned for round three –which at this point is rather statistically likely – wherein the writer, and her partner, get to experience the joys of PMS for 14 days straight.
