Ana Álvarez-Errecalde, Birth of My Daughter
I have been having dreams where my daughter speaks to me. Not too long ago I dreamt she turned to me and said, That's enough, now in reference to being tickled, something I had previously assumed she enjoyed. This morning I awoke, knowing she had once again spoken something urgent and whispery into my ear, her hot breath steady as she awaited my response. But, I could not remember. Or I couldn't quite make it out. And this about sums up where we are at right now.
The girl is now almost one and I only sorta know who we are. But that sorta, it sure beats having no fucking clue.
On certain days we have this down: nap time, check. Nap time again, check. Bed time, check. Breakfast, lunch and dinner and snack and milk and more milk and yet some more milk and then water, check. Laundry and only organic and compostable diapers and bath time and story hour and playground and building blocks, check.
Other times, we are seriously winging it and happy the nanny share doesn't report that umpteenth bulging bruise on her noggin.
The grace in all this, is that a child's development is gradual. They don't go from sitting to walking to getting arrested for shoplifting immediately. So one gets the opportunity to ease into the ambulatory phase. The downside is that you begin to take things for granted, like, my child sits in the high chair, that is, until one day you turn around and she is now standing in the high chair, rocking it from side to side, and you are clear across the room when they both come tumbling down.
For all intents and purposes, she appears to be a bit of a bruiser: recklessly plowing ahead when I am still very much running behind. I want her to be independent, I want her to develop her fine motor skills, and I want to enthusiastically applaud all her athletic endeavors, but I also, like, want her to live to see the end of the day.
For her birthday, I plan to make a list of all the things I know about my daughter and tuck it away until the following birthday. A year ago, after all, she was my daughter only in theory. Now, she is the sun around which this solar system orbits.
