stencils from the Wooster CollectiveIt's day one of my sound mix and I decided today was the day that my film totally sucks. What was I thinking! And who chose that composer? Egads.
Sigh.
Yesterday, I thought it was great. I thought it was the balls (OK, I don't even know if that's supposed to be a good thing!) And now I am questioning every decision I ever made on it. At least I can be sure the font that I chose looks pretty good...I think.
Oh, hell.
It's the constant internal dialogue. The needling perfectionism on one hand and the desire to just fucking be done with it on the other. I have been telling my boyfriend that I have been done now for months now, but it never seems to end. There is always another creative decision to be made lurking on the horizon. I mean, when, I ask, when do I stop having to agonize over every little persnickety detail??
And when will the benefits start to outweigh the gut-wrenching pain of making something from my own two hands?
5 comments:
I'd be happy to watch it and give you my thoughts. Send me a copy on Betamax.
whats yer address?
we'll ship it freight
You've captured the situation exactly. Taken my breath away once again.
I guess the one thing I'd question is whether a cost/benefit analysis is the best path through all this. But what else? Slavery/liberation? Addiction/rehab?
All I can tell you is that it is almost certain that, at some point in the future, at a screening in some god-forsaken place far from home, your film will catch you by the throat, and you will see again why and how you made each little decision, and the power and rightness of each one of them, and your audience will be riding the same wave as you, and, in retrospect, for a moment, things will seem worthwhile.
The only problem being that, by that time, you will be in the thick agony of another project.
We do it because somehow we have to; not for the benefits.
Best wishes from a fellow sufferer.
Thank you string. For reminding me.
You are suffering from "too close to your own project" syndrome. Small crap will drive you crazy forever, but you have to look past the little bits.
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