Passing

photo by Joseph Szabo from the book "Almost Grown"

I live near a school. An elementary school to be more precise. Because I have a dog, and because he is oft in need of walks, I find myself near the school at various hours of the day. I have always loved the sounds of a playground: rubber balls hitting pavement, screeches sent across the jungle gym, even the mechanical echo of the school bell. And I have always felt melancholic during summer when those sounds go away for months at a time. I was one of those kids that actually got depressed at the end of the school year. Even at a young age the end of the academic year marked, not the arrival of summer, but another year passing. I distinctly remember during those moments thoughts like How many more years just like the last? Will I be the same person I am now when I return in the Fall? and Will I ever make it to the 8th grade? Summer just seemed to be so purposeless, and though I appreciated the pool time which basically could last from 9 in the morning til 9 at night if you begged hard enough, I never really knew what to do with myself.

As a teenager, however, I did find that when I returned back to school for the 10th grade, I was a new person. I had had sex, I had gotten stoned, I had figured out how to elude my parents' reach. I had found late night bus routes to take me to the places I wanted to go. I knew where the skateboarders and the punks hung out. I suddenly had taste in music and movies. Even an appreciation for art and poetry. I was someone new. I could reinvent myself. And this new self that I presented to the world was believable.

I have spent many years inside some kind of school or another. Most of my life, you could say. And today, I have those same summers off. But teaching college doesn't make me feel the same kind of heartbreak that being connected to elementary and secondary school does. I guess the kids I teach don't seem to grow up all that fast...they are already more (or in most cases less) there. When summer comes,  I am ecstatically relieved. The campus doesn't have those same playground sounds, and while the cafeteria may be just as bad, there are no ringing bells to remind us each hour of the time passing.